I knew this day would come. I KNEW the choices I have made would eventually bite me in the ass. So, here I stand.
I always had girl friends growing up. Honestly, it was never a problem for me to make friends. My biggest problem, when I look back now, is that I always put so much (arguably too much) into my friendships. The part I couldn’t handle, was that no matter how much effort I put into my friendships, the effort was never reciprocated. I always left disappointed.
No matter how many times I thought, “Oh yep, this is a good one. I will be friends with this one forever,” something would always happen and our friendship would tumble violently downhill. When I graduated high school and went on to college, I found that I had completely severed all ties with any girl.
l friend I had had throughout school. I didn’t need them. They were toxic and quite frankly, not people I needed to hold me back. I knew I could find better.
Without even trying, I seemed to always gravitate towards male friends. It wasn’t even a sexual thing; they were just less dramatic. I ended up joining a sorority freshman year, where I was obviously surrounded by women all the time, and I STILL could not find one decent friend.
Fast forward a few years, and here I am. I made it; I survived. I am married and now ready to venture into motherhood. I have made it without the support and guidance of female friends. Now that I’m almost at that milestone, I’m beginning to wonder if I was just being too proud. Was I expecting too much?
Like I said, I can’t say this is regret I am feeling. However, never having the support and guidance from females my age, I wonder what I have missed out on.
If I go into a friendship ready to give it 100%, I only ask to be met halfway. Is that too much to ask?