An Open Letter To My Younger Self

Okay, so deciding to have a baby has certainly caused me to do a ton of “self-reflecting,” if you will.

I thought about all of the things I would say to my younger self if I had the chance. Yes, I will probably keep this locked away to read to myself, when my kids are at that age where they are literally stressed out about, well, everything.

Dear younger me,

First and foremost, STOP. STRESSING. You are not perfect, and let me just burst your bubble–you never will be. What is most important to remember, is that it is absolutely OKAY that you aren’t perfect. You never have to be something that you aren’t just because someone else makes you feel like you have to be. You are who you are, and that is the only thing you should always strive to be. 

Take it from someone who knows. You will be absolutely fine in life. You are smart, charismatic, charming, witty, and so beautiful. You will find love in college, and it will be like nothing you have ever experienced before. 

You will travel. You will immerse yourself in culture. You will learn. You will grow more patient as you age. You will still hold a pretty mean grudge, but you will realize when some relationships deserve to be rekindled. You will remove those that are toxic from your life, but you will replace those with healthy relationships, that offer way more than you ever expected. 

You’ve been hard on yourself. I know you aren’t happy with your body now and wish that you were skinnier, but girl, you will grow into your body. You will be happy with yourself and you will appreciate your body (trust me, the boys will see it eventually). 

I will end with this, younger me. You will be okay. You will certainly make mistakes, but you will learn from them. You will become a fantastic woman, who stands up for herself and what she believes in. You will go far in life, and in your career. You will win people over with your personality and courage. You will learn to use your voice and you will use it for those who have yet to find their own. 

What is most important for me to say to you, is that you will survive this. You will overcome. You will persevere.


What If My Four-Legged Kids, Hate my Two-Legged Kid?

Along this beautiful journey of our friendship, you will come to learn that those two up there, are my little men. Zeus in green and Atlas in blue; my current first- and second-born, if you will. 

They are spoiled AF, but of course they are–there aren’t any human children in the house for us to dote on left and right. I mean, they have their own Instagram account (shameless plug: @zeustheminipoodle)

That really got me thinking, though. What’s going to happen when a human child DOES come into our lives? What if the dogs absolutely hate the child, and don’t accept them into our familial pack? I have heard horror stories of when couples bring a baby home, and try to nip at the baby. I remember seeing a flyer, attached to a lamp post near my neighborhood, of a couple trying to re-home their dog, since the dog didn’t get along with the new addition. 

On the flip side, I have heard and seen wonderful stories, where dogs wholeheartedly embrace their new pack member. They cuddle with it, love it, and treat it like their own. 

Not judging a book by its cover, but please see Exhibit A

That is Hulk, of Dark Dynasty K9s. Okay, yes. You take one look at this 175-pound pit bull, muscular as all hell, and think, oh there is no possible way that this dog could ever embrace a baby into his pack? 

Please see Exhibit B:

Or Exhibit C:

This dog is FANTASTIC. This is a perfect example of how you CANNOT judge a book by its cover, and how it is 100% possible for dogs and children to live harmoniously. 

Have any of you ever dealt with this? If so, how did your dogs handle the baby? Did you find that the dog(s), in a way, understood that you were pregnant, before you even had the baby? I have heard that animals can. interestingly enough, smell the pregnancy. 

I’m hoping for the best with this one, but I may just have to keep this baby dressed in a dog costume at all times. 

NSFW: We’re Talkin’ Sex, Baby

Anyone up for a little dirty talk? Let’s not get it twisted, because in the wise words of Salt N’ Pepa, “…people might misunderstand what we’re tryin’ to say, you know?”

Now, let’s get down to business. 

I’ve come across several articles that discuss how the frequency and amount of sex a couple has, can ultimately determine the sex of your baby. A co-worker and I got to discussing this one day, and she later sent me an article Pregnancy Myths Debunked by Miriam Stoppard

I scrolled through some myths like looking at a monkey while pregnant will cause your baby to come out looking like a primate, and how sitting on a bed cutting something with scissors, will cause your baby to be deformed. #IsThisRealLife?

After picking my jaw up from the floor, I came across how the amount of times a couple has sex, can determine whether you have a boy or girl, and Stoppard states this is actually true, but it has more to do with the speed at which sperm swim.

According to Stoppard, as female sperm swim slower and live longer than male sperm, having sex a few days before ovulation will mean that the female sperm are waiting for the egg. If you have sex right before you ovulate, the male sperm will arrive to the egg faster. 

I’m intrigued, but I suppose a little experimentation will have to be done! Have any of you heard of this theory? Has it proved true for you? What other pregnancy myths have you been told?

Stay tuned for later posts, as I love a little dirty talk.

Weighing In: Mom Takes a Goal-Winning Nap

Photo: Glennon Doyle’s Facebook 

I truly cannot say that I find myself weighing in very often on things that go viral. Depending on what it is, I may share it with my husband, if it is a cute, viral video, but more often than not, I just scroll through it on Facebook and don’t take a second glance.

That is, until I read —

This Mom Fully Napping at a Kid’s Soccer Game Is the Real MVP, Deserves All the Trophies 

as the headline of this article from Popsugar Moms. Yes, it certainly grabbed my attention, to say the least.

I should probably start this by saying, that this is an absolute judge-free zone, but let me give a brief synopsis of the article. A woman, we will call her Susie, is at her kid’s last soccer game of the season. In the midst of all the commotion, she succumbs to her exhaustion, and decides to lay down for  a nap on the sidelines. Glennon Doyle, who snapped a photo of the mom, and posted it to her Instagram, is touting her as a hero; a spirit animal, of sorts. 

This really got my wheels turning. Now, I do not know the sleeping woman’s situation, by any means. She may be a single mother, working several jobs to make ends meet, and just could not stay awake any longer. 

Truthfully, it was this part of the Instagram post’s caption, that had such an element of sadness to me:

…”Please understand that periodically- when the sideline yelled and woke her from her warrior sleep- she would raise that little thumb of hers and say: yay. And then she’d go back to sleep.”

I know that when I was a kid, it meant the WORLD to me to have my parents present at any one of the events I participated in. I wasn’t much of an athlete, but it meant just as much to have my parents show up to a silly, little award ceremony. There’s a part of me, that for a fraction of a second, feels sad for this woman’s child. Can you imagine scoring a winning goal and looking for your mom’s reaction, and you find her, laying on the sideline, taking a nap? It is moments like that that can have a serious impact on a kid for the rest of their lives. Yes, I acknowledge that the mother is physically present at the game, but does showing up and napping really count? 

Again, like I said, I pass no judgment. Truthfully, I am very torn on how I feel about this. 

On the one end, even though I may not be a parent yet, I can understand how utterly exhausting being a parent is. However, on the flip side of the coin, little moments matter to a child, and as hard as it is growing up in today’s society, I cannot imagine how that child would feel if his classmates saw the mom napping, and continuously tortured and bullied him about it when they returned to school. 

What are your thoughts on this? Is this woman really a hero and just showing the real, sometimes ugly, truth of being a parent? Or, should she have just been honest and asked a friend to step in for her, so she could get some much needed R&R at home? 

The “B” Word: Budget, not Bitch

Shooting it straight right now, which I can’t say is anything unusual for me. (You will definitely learn this about me, the closer we become!)

Before I met my husband, a budget played, literally, an absent role in my life. A budget, was, truthfully, the bad “B” word. I have always been great at saving my money, and I could stretch a dollar probably farther than the average American. I never had a reason to even have a budget. However, when I met my husband six years ago, well, let’s just say my lifestyle took a significant turn.

It’s funny that it took me meeting my now husband, to see just how vital having a solid financial plan really is.

I hope I’m not alone in this thought, but I’m sure you don’t even realize how expensive a baby really is, until that blissful, nine-month rollercoaster is over.

My husband has admitted to me that it took him reading Andy Hill’s How Fatherhood Sparked My Desire for Financial Freedom to see just how important it was for us to achieve financial stability. Don’t get me wrong–we never found ourselves in any sort of financial troubles, but with my husband coming out of law school with student loans, it is obviously a priority for us to have our money situation figured out, especially with the prospect of adding another mouth to feed in the upcoming months.

I know he’ll be reading this, so I will take this moment to thank my husband for bringing budgeting into our lives. It may not be an easy road to travel, but the destination is well worth it.

Check back further into our journey and I’ll share some of our budgeting secrets!

What are some things that you did to prepare for your little one?

What Will I Tell My Daughter About Life?

My husband and I, on our drive to work, listen to TEDtalks. It is one of the many cute, little bonding things we do to supplement insightful discussions. Trust me when I say, we certainly do not need any assistance in the conversation department, but I love that it allows us time to just listen, and then reflect.

We listened to one yesterday morning that really struck a cord. Chinaka Hodge recited a bold, vivacious, and powerful poem entitled “What will you tell your daughters about 2016?” That got me to thinking: 2016? What will I tell them about life?

If I am being frank, I am fearful. Not fearful that I will not be able to teach them to be strong, but I am fearful that no matter how many times I tell them that they are enough—beautiful enough, smart enough, important enough—it may not be enough. Words are powerful and completely irrevocable. They can cut like knives.

I remember in the 7th grade, one of my girlfriends came to school wearing lipstick. Naturally, being in the 7th grade, most of it ended up on her teeth. Being a kind friend, I told her she had lipstick on her teeth and we moved on. Well, it apparently hit her hard, as she went home that night and told her mother what I had said. When we were at school the next day, she told me that her mother called me a ‘JAP’. I had no idea what that meant. When I went home that night and told my parents that I was called a ‘JAP’, their eyes widened in shock. “Do you know what that means?” They asked. I shook my head no.

They explained to me that I had been called a Jewish American Princess. What sounded like a wonderful compliment to me, was entirely the complete opposite. It is a derogatory term for a Jewish female; implying that she is a snob, spoiled, high maintenance. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was none of those things, but my friend’s mother knew I was Jewish and, to her, those adjectives must have been synonymous with being Jewish. I truly do not remember what happened to my friendship with that little girl. But I will always remember the tone in which she called me a JAP. Even though her mother was the one that called me the name, my friend now felt the same.

This is my fear for my daughters. Even though their friends may not initially feel that way, what they hear at home can impact them for the rest of their lives. I know it will be hard enough growing up Jewish, but growing up a Jewish female? I am terrified.

My husband showed me a wonderful viral article a couple nights ago; a truly wonderful way to teach young children just how important words can be. Amy Beth Gardner has a daughter starting middle school. She tells her daughter to empty a tube of toothpaste, on a paper plate. Once completed, she calmly tells her daughter to put the toothpaste back into the tube. The little girl, confused, says that it simply cannot be done. The mother looks at her daughter and explains that the same holds true for words. Once they have been spoken, they cannot be taken back.

Obviously, this holds true for not only females, but for males, as well. With all of the stories we hear of young children committing suicide, being depressed, feeling worthless, all children need to be told of their importance. What will, or do, you tell your daughters about life? How do you teach them that they are enough and that no matter what is said, nothing can strike them down? Are you hopeful or fearful for their future? Do you instill the same message in your sons? How do you teach them about treating women?

…And the Journey Begins!

Hello, world! Happy Saturday!

After my last appointment with the Gynecologist, I was given a clean bill of health and told to, “Call us when you’re pregnant!”

The only advice she left me with was to start taking pre-natal vitamins now. Okay, that’s cool and all, but with the plethora of options there are for pre-natal vitamins, where does one start???

She only said to choose one with DHA and Folic Acid–Okay, easy enough. I began my research.

Exhibit A: 796 results found for prenatal vitamins. Is this real life?

It was almost as if Amazon was speaking to me, like God spoke to Moses as the Burning Bush.

Exhibit B: Amazon Best-Seller

It was a no-brainer to choose Nature Made Prenatal Multi+DHA vitamins. Being an Amazon Best-Seller, I mean come on! I would love to know what all of you chose as your vitamin of choice, or if you also selected Nature Made?

So far, so good. No weird taste in my mouth when I burp..? (Which is oddly something I was told would happen with prenatal vitamins, so not sure if any of you experienced this). Anyway, I feel great and I’m ready to experience all the fun that comes with this journey!

I hope you all enjoy your day!

I may earn possible commissions from the links in this post.

What in the actual f*** am I doing?

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to visit and share in my confessionals. Today is the start to, well, something beautiful.

Let me share my confessions with you:

– I am not actually a mom….yet. Well, if you count four-legged hairy kids, then I’ve got parenting down pat!

– My husband and I have made the decision to begin the journey of becoming parents, and

– I am scared shitless.

I said it. I have absolutely no clue what I am doing here, but I am entirely prepared to learn and share my journey with all of you. I know I don’t row this boat alone. I feel like every mom was once the captain of this ship. We are all inexperienced at one time, but yet with time, we learn and grow.

Here, I am prepared to share my ups and downs, my trials and tribulations (including, but not limited to the vast array of “mommy” products that flood the market), and my woes. In turn, I hope to have wonderful conversations with you, my readers, and share in all of the motherly glory. I value your opinions, your stories, your advice, and really, I hope that this can be a digital soundboard, if you will.

I hope to entertain and hope this blog will bring a little sunshine and joy to your day.